Jul 03 , 2020

DOJ Hires Top-Secret Italian Bodyguard Hillaralla Clintonari To Watch Ghislaine Maxwell

SATIRE: NYC, NY—Following the arrest of Ghislaine Maxwell for sex abuse charges, the DOJ and BOP is taking no chances in keeping her safe while she awaits trial. Sparing no expense, the FBI has hired top-notch Italian bodyguard Hillaralla Clintonari.

“It's-a me, Clintonari!” said the world-renowned bodyguard arriving at the prison. 

Thanks to the particularly glowing reviews from high-profile potential "victims" such as President Bill Clinton and Prince Andrew, all federal prison security checks were waived for Hillaralla. “There’s simply no one else that we trust to execute this job as she can.” 

“Mamma mia, this simply will not do!” exclaimed Hillaralla Clintonari as she forcefully cleared the room. She warned that anyone other than her could be a threat to Ghislaine’s life. 

Clintonari also connected all camera feeds to her personal server to ensure that all recorded video was properly secured and deleted.

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