Biden Administration Deploys Elite Squad Of TikTok Influencers To Stop Taliban

Aug 16 , 2021

Biden Administration Deploys Elite Squad Of TikTok Influencers To Stop Taliban

From the Babylon Bee

KABUL—In a last-ditch effort to halt the advance of Taliban forces rampaging through the capital of Afghanistan, the Biden Administration is sending an elite squad of America's best TikTok influencers.

"I'm sorry it has come to this, but I'm left with no other choice," said Biden to a chocolate eclair in the Camp David situation room as beloved TikTok star Benny Drama and others parachuted from a C-130 into Kabul. "If anyone can influence those Gen Z Taliban youth, it's those flamboyant youngsters. Man, I'll bet they smell real good too."

According to sources on the ground, Benny Drama was the first to land, right in the middle of a group of Taliban mujahidin. 

"Heeeey girlfriends!" he said. "Whatcha all doin'? Y'all better stop this, honey! This is the patriarchy! And maybe juuuuust a touch homophobic?" 

He then did a little dance in front of them and posted the video to TikTok before being immediately thrown off a building. 

The administration has committed to sending "as many influencers as it takes" until the Taliban has been fully influenced to lay down their weapons and go live peaceful lives in the hill country.

If that plan doesn't work, the military announced they will drop Hollywood stars into Kabul to join hands around the city and sing "Imagine" by John Lennon.  


Older Post Newer Post


Related Posts

Riley Pitts: FIRST BLACK OFFICER TO RECEIVE THE MEDAL OF HONOR
Riley Pitts: FIRST BLACK OFFICER TO RECEIVE THE MEDAL OF HONOR
On October 31, 1967, just one month before he was to be rotated back home, Captain Riley Pitts and his men from the 2...
Read More
Across three wars and two counterinsurgency campaigns, Puller won five Navy Crosses
Across three wars and two counterinsurgency campaigns, Puller won five Navy Crosses
Chesty Puller, in full Lewis Burwell Puller, (born June 26, 1898, West Point, Virginia, U.S.—died October 11, 1971, H...
Read More
This Day in History: Heroes of the D-Day Invasion
This Day in History: Heroes of the D-Day Invasion
On this 78th anniversary of the D-Day invasion of Normandy, we should take time to remember some of the many heroes o...
Read More

Leave a comment